Hiding my Inner Human

Often as a service to others, I try to be Wonder Woman and hide my inner human.

My inner human vs. Wonder Woman

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My inner human can be quite a force to reckon with. She is selfish and shy. Quick-tempered and obstinate. She generally feels out of control and wants to stay in pajamas all day. She doubts herself as a mom and wife and as a daughter and sister. She occasionally bakes a cake for  her ongoing pity party. And often she wonders how a daughter of a King could feel more like a pauper eating bread crumbs.

On the other hand, my Wonder Woman side is more optimistic. She juggles all of the things. She “adults” with a cape, crown, and a smile. When she greets people, she is more put together … Even when her makeup sweats off in the 400% Alabama humidity.

She manages to keep up with her schedule and her families and all of the families around her. She loves bouncing into church and working with kids. She loves her job even when it’s hard. Her hair is big, her heart is on fire, and mind and body is strong.

And for so long, I’ve juggled these two girls.

And they’ve worn me slap OUT! They often leave my head spinning. And often leave me so consumed, I don’t know whether to polish my piece of cake or eat my crown. They play tug of war with my brain. One can’t be strong without the other sitting their little self down. Which leaves my heart thinking, “No one puts Baby in the corner.”  The other day, I just had to stop them both in their tracks.

It had been a week. You know the kind … School started, new schedules were aplenty, kids tired and cranky, my husband and I exhausted. There was bickering and complaining, and all the little things just seemed to add up. I walked out into the barn and decided I really didn’t want to “people.”  I just didn’t.

And so I let down my walls and let both girls run wild. I admitted I was exhausted. I fessed up to being a little cranky and asked for a little forgiveness. And maybe even a soft place to land …

Because my tired and introverted self was a little overwhelmed.

People? DANGER DANGER… NOT A SAFE PLACE. But I kept on going. I did my job, I adulted, I did my mom thing, I taught, I cleaned, I cared for the animals. And I did it all while just being real. I performed with a genuine and vulnerable heart. And it was frightening. My filter generally lacks finesse when I’m tired. And it’s easier to fly through and not connect when I’m a hot mess version of Wonder Woman.

But God taught me something as I let those walls down. It’s not easy working and living in the same place. And if I want genuine people around me that appreciate me when I’m tired, and when I’m on top of the world. Or when I have it together, and even when I’m cranky, I have to let them in.

Just as I have to try to love them as God does, I also have to allow them to love me as God does.

And God showed me He loves me as an introvert.

He loves me when I achieve superhero, and as a mom. He loves me when I’m strong and when I’m weak and when I’m scared and when I’m stubborn. And He loves all the good, bad, and ugly in you too.

Ya know why? He created you in HIS image. His stubborn, bold, fiery, humble, caring image. So I’m finished with these two girls. They will now become one! I’m gonna put on that cape and crown right over my PJ’s and rock it! We are dearly loved for who we are and there’s no way around it.

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.” Psalms 139:13-14 ESV

He loves me when I'm strong and when I'm weak and when I'm scared and when I'm stubborn.Click To Tweet

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Anna Owens Walls
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Anna Owens Walls

Anna Owens Walls is one half of the BB’s and the other half of Jackson Walls (literally, she married her singing partner).You can catch the BB’s here , but to hear Jackson Walls you have to come to Alabama where you may catch them singing “I’ll Fly Away” or “Amazing Grace” at a local pub.When not singing or playing an instrument, she owns and operates a busy horse farm.She has a 9 year old daughter named Josephine.
Anna Owens Walls
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About Anna Owens Walls

Anna Owens Walls is one half of the BB’s and the other half of Jackson Walls (literally, she married her singing partner). You can catch the BB’s here , but to hear Jackson Walls you have to come to Alabama where you may catch them singing “I’ll Fly Away” or “Amazing Grace” at a local pub. When not singing or playing an instrument, she owns and operates a busy horse farm. She has a 9 year old daughter named Josephine.

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