Ya know? When you think about it … this ol’ world is kinda cold, isn’t it? It can be quite dark and gloomy. And people can be meaner than you could ever imagine. And it often can be easy to fall into a routine of depression or anxiety over the seeming lack of God in politics, in schools, in society, and dare I say … Occasionally, even church.
I’m learning to love again.
Recently, when sharing my testimony to my sweet elementary school kids in our church’s kids’ worship service, I realized something. I needed to learn to love again. For a long time, I felt a little jaded. I was hurt by cancer and the loss of my mom. A dark cloud hung over my head for years with the unfairness of it all.
A permanent injury to my foot led to a trail of frustrations and adjustments. After that, I was hurt by a failed marriage, and the baggage I drug around like an albatross. Then a beautiful marriage emerged but was plagued by stumbling blocks and even more baggage.
I was tired.
And now with my work in kids ministry, my work with my husband as a singer, and my work writing here and for my personal blog, I was tired. I was tired of serving God and getting punched in the teeth by non-believers. I had no more energy to try to do the right thing and be transparent only to be called fake. I lost my patience with this world.
And I realized something …
I had lost my fire.
My edge was gone.
My passion had disappeared.
But most importantly, I had lost my love for God’s people.
I sat and wondered how in the world God could love me as broken as I am. As stubborn as I can be. And I’d wonder how my God loved me and allow her to be so cruel. How could He allow him to always come out on top when I knew the wrong motives were behind his actions. Did He love me enough to give me a break? Didn’t God love me enough to shelter me from the world? Just for a little while?
I quit loving the people of this world. It had become a struggle to even love the people of His Kingdom and sometimes equally a struggle to love myself.
But maybe all that frustration wasn’t such a bad thing. My disdain for this world was perhaps just a deeper love growing for my Father. A more sincere and honest love for his kindness and mercy and grace.
So I’m learning to love the church again.
I’m learning to pray for my enemy with even deeper empathy.
I’m opening myself to pray for my sister and brother with compassion and mercy.
I’m finding myself learning to love each person of this world as my Father does.
The stumbling blocks and peeps trying to trip me up? They’re just lost sheep. I can’t always love them wholeheartedly. I’ll admit that … But I love my Father enough to not treat Him as they treat me. So, I’ll continue to pray. I’ll work to be strong. I’ll do my best at being obedient. The people that hurt me and others I’ll work to see as beautifully as my Savior saw them when He died for their sins.
I’m learning to love all God’s people.
Because I know it’s not about works or deeds, but sometimes showing love to my Father means that I have to get down in the trenches a bit. And that’s OK. Because falling down and getting back up again is all a part of learning. As hard at it is sometimes, we were made to thrive, not just merely survive. And if I don’t learn how to love all of God’s people, then I’m just part of that yucky, cruel, harsh ole world. And that’s NOT a trench I want to navigate.
Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. We love each other because he loved us first. 1 John 4:18-19
What do you do when you have lost your love for your church? Not the place ... the people.Click To Tweet
Share it on Pinterest …
Anna Owens Walls is one half of the BB’s and the other half of Jackson Walls (literally, she married her singing partner).You can catch the BB’s here , but to hear Jackson Walls you have to come to Alabama where you may catch them singing “I’ll Fly Away” or “Amazing Grace” at a local pub.When not singing or playing an instrument, she owns and operates a busy horse farm.She has a 9 year old daughter named Josephine.