As I walked through the barn, I laughed a little. She was obviously wearing her boyfriend’s t-shirt. It hung almost to her knees over her skinny jeans. The mom bathing her horse was also wearing her man’s tee. It made a good smock as the dirt from the horse seemed to transfer on to her. I giggled because I also was wearing my husband’s shirt. I wasn’t wearing it because it made me look good. On the contrary, it made me look like I ate a pizza (or three). I wore it to be close to him. I wore it to not have to wear girl clothes. It was cozy on a day I needed some comfort. And in high school, I wore my daddy’s sweater and my brother’s shirts for the same reasons.
Let me tell you something:
I am a strong independent woman. But I am still a woman.
Innately, we long to be held and loved on by the men in our life. We want our husbands to take care of us and be our superman. This past year, my husband has been part of an intense Bible study on being what it means to be a leader. He meets once a week with a group of men from our church, working through a study book and multiple supplemental books. At the same time, he decided to read the entire Bible … Twice. Y’all, my brain hurts over this mess. I’m a good southern Bapticostal girl, but this was getting on my nerves.
My competitive side wanted to keep up … But couldn’t. My needy wife side needed him to connect deeply with me … Generally, these happened on days he was knee deep in the study. My stubborn, independent side needed him to be less of a leader, so I could feel I had some control.
Isn’t it sad that when someone is trying to build their spirituality, the ol’ sneaky snake will use anything to try to stop it? And he was trying to use me … the wife, the God-fearing Christian girl, the blog writer that would write and beg you to not ever let that happen. And I stopped my untamable tongue and I thanked God, because I had always wanted a husband like him. One that accepts my brokenness and builds me up, one that quietly leads without stifling my fiery side.
And then I got a little sad.
Here’s the problem with being a strong independent woman…
Every week at church I see seemingly happy couples carrying around a lot of “stuff.” I see husband/wife roles that have become muddy and unclear because of the demands of life. I see housewives and working moms trying to keep up with all of the commitments and meal planning and shuttling of all the mini-mes. And sometimes our husbands get filed under a responsibility instead of our most important relationship. A burden instead of a blessing. A follower instead of our leader.
Although I’m in fear of being beaten with wet noodles by all of the females reading this, I’m going to say something bold. I say this as a mom, wife, business owner and annoyingly self-sufficient, independent, and obstinate person.
I think it’s time for women to step back a little.
Hear me out. We, as wives, have gained an amazing amount of independence. And it’s well deserved. We are our husband’s equal partner, but we are not the same. We are not wired the same. Somewhere between being 1950’s housewives and 1960’s feminism, we have a generation of women that want to be wildly independent but also good solid housewives. And it leaves us feeling more like bossy, unhappy, Pinterest fails.
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Ephesians 5:21-25
But what if we lead like Jesus led. By not being the strong one. By not passive-aggressively commenting when our husband tries to lead and fails. By stepping back and offering love. By trusting our husbands to be the stronger one?
We can, as women, change the way our children grow up and learn these roles. And men, I beg of you on behalf of all the women … please step up or keep stepping up, even if it is seemingly annoying to us. I choose to offer a little grace as we each navigate this uncharted water. Because I know whatever the world tells us, God has a plan. And His plan, as hard as it is, is always the better choice. So I’m going to cozy up in my husband’s Superman t-shirt and have a cup of coffee and let him lead me … One day at a time. Will you join me?Can we be strong independent women and still be biblical wives? I say yes.Click To Tweet
Share it on Pinterest…